‘You can do anything but not Everything’
So back in September I wrote a blog post about my anxiety. If you haven’t read it, you can (read here) if you like. I mentioned at the end of the post that I was aiming to come off medication & that I would update my progress or lack of. Unfortunately it hasn’t gone the way I hoped.
Does this make me a failure? Absolutely not. The way I see it is, some people achieve goals quicker than others. Its how you go about them & your attitude to getting to where you want.
I will sum up why it hasn’t gone the way I planned.
I attended my doctor at the start of October, after a long chat and assessment she advised I stay on the dose I’m at. She believes I haven’t been on the medication long enough. She also mentioned that winter is a hard time in itself, without taking something like this on. LET ME STRESS THAT She didn’t dismiss me or my hopes at all. We had a long chat & she was still encouraging. We spoke about weaning. It was more that she believed one day I would no longer need the medication but that today was not that day. She still guided me through a weaning plan anyways. I myself began weaning regardless of the timing. My timing was wrong, the cloud of doom began to creep back in. My doctor had suspected this would happen. There was no I TOLD YOU SO’S.
It’s all still new to me, its a learning curve. I have to accept that some people can manage anxiety without meds, I however, cannot.
Have the right attitude.
What does this mean for me?
It means I need to come to terms with my anxiety. In this moment of time, I need to focus more on how I live with it rather than ‘curing it’ . It’s part of who I am now, however, it will not let me stop living my life or parenting well. As a parent I need to stop putting pressure on myself to beat it meds free. It means being on meds does not make me weak.
It all means that I will tackle my anxiety head on this way, stay happy and composed. It means I have decided to live openly with anxiety.
Cut yourself some slack.
How do you live openly with anxiety?
I will always say when I’m not feeling quite okay. I will always openly talk to someone close when I feel stress, even the ‘silly’ stresses. If ever I feel worried I will calm myself and pick up the phone and talk to family. No matter how small the worry may be, its the reassurance that helps me. I will drive out all fear by writing down any bad days. I will read them on my good days & suddenly they are not so scary. Just because I am on medication, it doesn’t mean I’m a quitter. I will openly share my dark days with others to enlighten it. I am not afraid to speak up anymore, speaking up doesn’t cure me, but it does make life a hole lot better.
Don’t be alone. Don’t let loneliness be a thing.
Being able to tell someone when your uncomfortable can change your mood & how you tackle it. If you stay quiet when your anxiety is high, you are setting yourself up for panic.
If someone has a cast on their arm, you wouldn’t expect them to get into a pool and do lengths. All because you can see there current struggle. Having anxiety may be invisible to most eyes but to that person going through it, many physical and mental issues arise from this. It is a very real illness, so a little help goes a long way to try some understanding to those in need.
Find some YOU time.
I downloaded a meditation app on my android. It’s called Headspace. Its meditation made simple.
When I feel a little moody, stressed or anxious I practice the simple grounding exercise:
Describe In Detail
5 things You See
4 Things You Feel
3 Things You Hear
2 Things You Smell
1 Thing You Taste
I am also interested in getting a few books too. (a good Christmas gift!) All recommendations are welcome.
I have come to terms that I cant do this alone and need meds. Being a parent now, I just want to be the best me for my boy. This is what works for us & that is okay!
Ex Oh (xo)